Deathpool Dave: DPDave.com

Why We Need More Capitalism

2010-01-18T11:31:00.000-05:00

It’s important in political debate to separate differences in opinions and ideology from issues of a personal nature. One is the domain of intellectuals that seeks to advance society; the other is the province of the angry and disenchanted that seek not to elevate the dialogue but to bring the conversation down to their level of discourse. We don’t like the Obama government’s approach, but that is different from not liking the man. President Obama is a good, loyal patriot that loves his country and deeply wants what is best for it. He’s just going about it the wrong way. Here’s why.

The capitalist system is brutally efficient. Within that description are two root words: Brutal and efficient, and capitalism is all that. It encourages risk taking with the allure of potential reward. At the same time, it promotes prudence with the threat of loss. These two opposing forces work together in order to direct economic outcomes towards the most advantageous results, and over the last two hundred years it has advanced one of the newest countries into the greatest and most powerful nation. So it is not our opinion that capitalism works; it is our objective observation, especially in comparison with the many failed attempts at other forms of economics such as communism, socialism, fascism, etc. The Soviet Union. Cuba. The Axis nations. China and India – before their conversion to capitalism led to their sudden and great rise. The lessons are all there and plain for anyone to see. You don’t need our opinions – you just need a good history book.

What happened recently was that the “loss” component of capitalism was removed. Banks and lending institutions loaned money to entities that could not afford to pay it back, largely because there was no risk in doing so. Automotive manufacturers agreed to absurd contracts with organized labor for the same reason. This built a house of cards that, as they all do eventually, came crashing down. The efficiency component of capitalism functioned perfectly as designed, hence the crash, but the brutality constituent did not: These entities were just propped up by governmental (i.e. taxpayer, i.e. your) dollars. The system was not allowed to function as intended as an element of socialism was injected. And it was the worst form of socialism in that it protected the rich. While we as humanitarians often don’t mind a degree of charitable contributions to the most unfortunate amongst us, these bailouts were intended to make sure that wealthy people that drove companies into the ground were able to maintain the lifestyle to which they had become accustomed.

The fix to all this is not more socialism – we don’t need more government, more taxpayer funded programs, more layers of inefficient bureaucracy. We need more capitalism. The system works when it is allowed to. Let them fail. It’s been working brilliantly for over 230 years now.

Tort Reform in Health Care

2010-01-08T15:58:00.004-05:00

Physicians want tort reform so that they don’t have to spend $300,000 a year on liability insurance in case they lose a ridiculous lawsuit. These suits add billions to the administrative cost of providing care, and represent a racket that parasitic attorneys have established in order to provide themselves a lucrative stream of income. The only person that can work within the legal system is of course a lawyer, so we have the proverbial foxes in charge of the hen house. Attorney’s typically keep about one-third of their “winnings.” In a $10 million lawsuit, this equated to $3.33 million for the lawyer.

John Edwards made tens of millions of dollars by suing obstetricians for failing to perform cesarean sections, thereby causing cerebral palsy in the delivered babies. There’s just one problem: There’s absolutely no correlation whatsoever between cesarean sections and cerebral palsy; and in fact cerebral palsy occurs in the womb well before birth. But in spite of this fact, which is not disputed by anyone qualified enough to have an opinion on the matter, obstetricians have discovered that they rarely get sued for performing a cesarean, and often get sued for not performing one. As you might imagine, the net effect of these events has been a drastic increase in the number of caesarean sections performed. So in addition to the $300,000 in policy premiums for every practicing physician that are ultimately passed on to the consumer and taxpayer, huge numbers of women are being subjected to invasive, major medical surgeries unnecessarily because of these bloodsucking bastards. That’s one example of thousands.

And please note my tact and restraint in not mentioning that Edwards impregnating an aide while his wife was home dying of cancer. I’m not a religious expert, but I believe that the Buddhists refer to that as “karma.”

Tort reform is one of the most obvious things that must be fixed in health care reform, and there is no mention of it in the current legislation. Why? Because the lawyers are paying off Congress to not address it. There are really just a handful of significant needs in health care reform, and none of them are addressed in the current bills. They would force a massive redistribution of wealth away from the parasites that do nothing to care for the ill, and they simply will not allow that to happen. Don’t confuse what is happening in DC right now with actual health care reform, which we desperately need. I was actually rooting for Obama, and I’m sorry to see him fail us so miserably…

Metal Heads

2008-08-19T12:34:00.005-04:00

Most people have a musical preference; that is, a style or type of music that they prefer or enjoy. But metal heads are different. Being a metal head is part personal philosophy, part religion… more of an attitude and an approach to life than a mere musical preference. Perhaps most importantly metal heads share a bond that is truly worldwide. It doesn’t matter where in the world you reside – America, Europe, Asia… metal heads share a brotherhood. It is the home of misfits and outcasts everywhere – a place we can all go to belong and be welcomed.

Last night I was in the front row for Motorhead, Black Sabbath, and Judas Priest – the inventors and true giants of metal. I shook the hands of Ronnie James Dio and Geezer Butler. Phil Campbell and Lemmy Kilmeister each gave me a guitar pick. KK Downing and Rob Halford high fived me… My mentors, my inspiration. That is akin to a Christian hanging with Jesus, Moses and Abraham for an evening…

If you are not a metal head it will sound like I had a good time at a concert. If you are, you know that for one brief evening I dwelt amongst the immortals…

An Ode to Britney and Miley

2008-06-28T11:07:00.002-04:00

It begins as an attempt to fill a void. This is why they start screaming LOOK AT ME at such a young age – no one is paying attention to the person inside. Because the focus is so strong, they work hard. They excel and become successful. Fame and money follow. They are then surrounded by sycophants and suck ups, those interested in the money and what this celebrity can do for their own careers. Those that may actually care for them as human beings become few and far between, pushed to the side by the manipulative and self interested. This is often where the drugs enter and they begin to believe the hype that surrounds them, complaining about how the wind is blowing and demanding that something be done about it. Some survive this period, others don’t.

Note to Billy Ray: Don’t take your eye off her for a moment – it has already begun and she seems like a really sweet kid.

2008-06-10T15:28:00.002-04:00

Spike Lee has inferred that Clint Eastwood is racist because he did not include any blacks in his films ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ and ‘Flags Of Our Fathers.’ He is correct of course, but has only scratched the surface of Eastwood’s sins. For instance - there were thousands and thousands of soldiers on Iwo Jima, and clearly some of them were gay. Eastwood did not depict of these men in a gay-friendly manner and is therefore clearly homophobic. And obviously some of them were Jewish - his refusal to portray these men as the brave Jews that they were is clear evidence of his anti-Semitism. And where were the Muslims? The complete absence of Islam from these films is typical Arab-bashing in the post 9/11 world, and Eastwood should be ashamed of himself. And what about the gypsies? Is he trying to say that gypsies didn’t exist in the 1940s? Apparently in Eastwood’s world there is no such thing as a slightly tanned Protestant with a mild limp that wheezes from allergies! And history is quite clear on the fact that there was at least one lesbian midget with a golden shower foot fetish that enjoyed spanking on that island, and Eastwood refused to even mention that historically significant fact!

Thanks Spike - where the f*ck would we be without smart fellers like you!

You Don't Know Jack

2008-03-07T08:41:00.005-05:00

This story was told to me by an old friend of mine from high school that was a tank gunner in Desert Storm:

It was February of 1991. The war had been on for about three weeks and my unit had just been mobilized. We were told that this would be the largest tank battle since World War II, and we were scared as hell. All the whooping and hollering and Who Rahs had been replaced with an eerie kind of silence. These weren’t war games – we were going into combat. Our guns had a range of about a mile and a half, and we had night vision capabilities. The Iraqis had Soviet made tanks with a range of about three quarters of a mile, and they couldn’t see at night. About 40 minutes after dusk we got our orders and moved into position. We closed to about a mile, out of their range but well within ours. Not that it mattered much because they couldn’t see us anyway. We painted them, locked in the coordinates, and opened up. I was the gunner – I pressed the button. I’d like to say we fought them, but we just slaughtered them. They had no defenses and wouldn’t even have known they were under attack until they were hit. At dawn we did recon patrol. Hundreds of charred bodies in destroyed tanks. A few of them were empty – I guess they’d seen enough and fled into the desert. I hope they made it. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the hundreds of men I killed. I think about their families and their children who probably aren’t much different than my own. I wonder how I’m going to answer for that when the bill comes due.

Today Jack drives a truck for a living.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

About Marriage

2008-03-04T15:45:00.004-05:00

I had an interesting debate with a female acquaintance recently. A friend of mine has been living with his girlfriend for several years now, and this lady chastised him – Why don’t you be a man and marry her, she inquired. My friend responded with Why don’t you go f**k yourself? Whatever his response may have lacked in tact was more than made up for in brevity and clarity. But, being the masochist that I am, I picked up the sword and marched into verbal battle with the lass. How do you define marriage, I asked? Initially she wouldn’t answer, spewing some nonsense about how I already knew what it was. But I pointed out that in order to debate whether something was good or bad, right or wrong, desirable or distasteful; one must first define the topic; and I suspected that our opinions may differ in this critical area. So she indulged me. Marriage is when two people love each other, agree to forsake all others, and live together in union as one under the eyes of the Lord, she said. Or words to that effect – I didn’t write all this sh*t down. But that’s pretty close. But, I replied, I know people that are married that hate each other. And depending upon which survey you want to believe upwards of 50% of married couples cheat on each other at some point. And I know one married couple that split up seven years ago but never did get a divorce. And yet all of these people are “married.” And, of course, a couple can have all of those things without actually being married, so that kind of blows your theory out of the water don’t it toots?

Sensing that she was cornered, she said Okay smartass, what do you think marriage is? This, of course, is exactly what I was waiting for. Bless her heart, she had taken the bait. Marriage, I replied, is a piece of paper on file in a county courthouse that will totally and completely f**k at least one of the parties and possibly both of them if things don’t work out. And with the divorce rate hovering around 53%, there’s a pretty damn good chance of that coming to pass, I pointed out. Now, if you were to go skydiving, and they told you that 53% of the parachutes don’t work, how likely would you be to jump off the perfectly functioning aircraft? (I did not admit to her, but I will to you, that I totally stole that analogy from a standup comedy bit I heard on Comedy Central). Nothing but stammering from my debate partner. Case closed. What about sex? Well, what about it? Any guy that can put a sentence together, look a girl square in the eye, and make her laugh will have no trouble pulling some tail of reasonable quality. Strap on a guitar and step on a stage, and I’ll bet you can even get a hot twenty-something to blow you backstage and pay for your beer all night. Trust me on that one.

My friend and his girl seem pretty happy to me, and I don’t blame him for not getting married. The system is just not set up to reward the act, and he has a lot of really cool sh*t that he probably wants to keep.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Worse Song Ever

2008-02-19T14:52:00.005-05:00

I saw a list of the worst songs ever recently that was particularly difficult to argue with. Here are a few of them:

Seasons In The Sun - Terry Jacks
Muskrat Love - Captain and Tenille
Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
Having My Baby - Paul Anka
Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band

Made us wonder - what horrible piece of sh*t makes you wanna puke?

Deathpool Dave

DPDave.com

Waterboarding

2008-02-15T13:49:00.004-05:00

There has been a lot of talk recently about the use of waterboarding, a process that simulates drowning and is thought by many to represent a form of torture, during interrogations of enemy combatants captured by American forces. I find this issue to be of critical importance for a number of reasons. Most importantly, I reject the position that we are in a “war against terror.” Terrorism is simply a tactic - the war is against fascists that believe that anyone not like them should be killed. And this, more than anything, is a war of ideas in which the moral high ground is critical for victory. Simply put, we have to be viewed as the good guys in order to win and any activity that detracts from that objective is counterproductive. We must be viewed as defenders of pluralism, freedom, and democracy, and can ill afford to be viewed by the world as evil torturers.

Given the din of recent debate in the media, I was somewhat surprised with what I found when I decided to look into this. While I cannot guarantee that all that follows is “fact,” there appears to be significant consensus from all sides and as such it probably represents the closest to “truth” that is obtainable:

A total of four individuals have been waterboarded by American forces.
The last was more than four years ago.
One of them was the man that beheaded Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl.
Current policy allows for the use of waterboarding only when there is a proverbial “ticking timebomb,” meaning that an operation is in place and time is of the essence in preventing a terrorist attack.
It is thought that use of the practice on the four individuals provided actionable intelligence that prevented terrorist operations from proceeding and ultimately saved American lives.

If the above is true, which again I cannot guarantee but does not appear to be significantly disputed, it does not seem to me that America is the newest incarnation of the Spanish Inquisition, capturing and torturing its perceived enemies on a whim. In fact, this policy appears to be downright restrained and in accordance with the beliefs and values that we are on record as defending. And if there was such a ticking timebomb and we didn’t torture every iota of information out of the terrorist bastard in order to prevent the attack, I would be supremely pissed off! And if there were an imminent threat to a member of my family, waterboarding would be the absolute best thing that happened to the guy that day. It is a war, after all, and sometimes – very rarely and only under extreme circumstances – you just have to do what needs to be done.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Officer Dude

2008-02-14T10:40:00.002-05:00

Perhaps you have heard of the story illustrated here:

http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4282823&page=1

It details the behavior of "Officer" Rivieri, who physicially assaulted a child that he thought had been disrepectful towards him and called him "dude." Police have the authority to enforce the laws that have been enacted by elected officials. As there is no law that prohibits referring to the officer as “dude,” he has no authority to demand to be called “Officer Whatever” or anything else. When he touched the child he committed the misdemeanor offense of assault. When he shoved him to the ground he committed the felony of battery. At that point he was no longer acting in the capacity of law officer but rather as a criminal. Respect for an individual that exceeds that which is granted by law must be earned, and is not instilled upon the donning of a uniform that so many others have worn with honor. I have tremendous respect for officers that risk their lives in protecting society. But the ones that think they are somehow above the laws they are sworn to enforce, and feel that somehow they are entitled to act as this goon did, need to be identified and eliminated. This guy should fired immediately, charged criminally, and sued civilly.

Deathpool Dave

DPDave.com

The Pimping of Chelsea

2008-02-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

In politics, I believe that in general the candidate’s children should be out of bounds. After all, it wasn’t their decision to run and place themselves in a national spotlight, it was their parent’s. That belief lasts right up until they no longer play the primary role of “Candidate’s Child” and instead enter the game of their own free will. Chelsea Clinton was working the phones calling super delegates on behalf of her mother’s campaign, and that makes her fair game. She is also not the snot nosed little junior high school student that we remember from Bill’s administration – she is a 27 year old woman, all grown up and working in the real world. In this overly politically correct society where the primary intent of broadcast media appears to be to make sure no one is ever offended, the “pimped out” comment was so benign, so utterly inoffensive and uncontroversial, that we at DPDave.com are aghast at the actions taken by MS-NBC, which include blubbering apologies and suspension of a quality reporter. Note to your program heads – this is why FOX is absolutely kicking your ass with ratings that exceed 500% of your own. Note to Hillary – if you don’t like it, keep your f*cking kid out of the race. You are pimping her out, and no one has the right to not be offended. Note to subscribers: In our list of first daughters we’d most like to bang, Chelsea finished dead last behind Amy Carter. Is that offensive? Number one Jenna doesn’t think so. Rock on Jen!

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Why I Respect Politicians

2008-02-11T10:49:00.000-05:00

Everyone bashes politicians. This particular profession simply must be the single most abuse occupation in existence, with the possible exception of lawyers. But I have come to know a few of them, primarily at the local level, and have been incredibly impressed at their devotion to their jobs and the long hard hours that they put in. It is true that they accomplish little. But that is largely systemic, meaning that the system of gathering a consensus large enough to affect change is largely responsible for the lack thereof. For a bill to become a law, it must first be written, then get sent to committee, then get voted out of committee, then be approved by one house, then by the other, then approved by the President, Governor, etc. It is incredibly difficult for all of this to occur, which by the way is by design and completely appropriate. In their seemingly infinite wisdom, the founding fathers recognized that rapid and constant change would be disruptive, and so they designed a system whereby only the really, really important stuff can ever see the light of day. But that doesn’t mean that a heck of a lot of work doesn’t go into to at least trying to get legislation through. The last Congress was widely decried as being lazy due to the historically low days in session. But that complaint assumes that they do no work on the days in which they are not in session, which is simply not the case. I’ve seen their schedules – they and their staff regularly put in 16, 17 hour days.

And the rewards are not great – a state representative or senator for instance earns a relatively low wage, the key word being “relatively.” If you are busing tables for a living, then their wages would probably be pretty attractive to you. But if you compare it to what someone of their education and experience could earn in the sector in most cases is will be substantially less. I know that some of them are corrupt, but that’s true of any occupation. I believe that most of them are really decent people that work hard and do their best to effect positive change.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Another Advertising Rant

2008-02-04T12:35:00.000-05:00

I’m probably a little late on the curve for this one, but I’ll go ahead and rant anyway. Why the f**k do we have to go along with it when venues sell their naming rights to corporate entities? Go ahead and pay $20 million to call it Joes Garage Arena – I’m still calling it… whatever the f**k it was called before. And why does the press have to play along? Radio, TV and newspapers will immediately begin using the new name and I have no idea why. Why can’t they just keep calling it what it was and ignore this silliness?

And where does this trend end? I swear - Pine Knob (a Michigan venue that I will call something else when they sent ME a check) has advertising placards posted on trees. This tree is brought to you buy… you gotta be f**king kidding me. Several of the traditional advertising locations rotate, allowing them to sell the same place multiple times.

To the extent that I am able I refuse to do business with whatever the venue is named after and I hope others do the same.

A Religious Question

2008-02-01T14:58:00.000-05:00

To paraphrase Mark Twain, we are all ignorant - just about different things. We at DPDave.com realize that we are not well versed in the Islamic religion, and as such would like to pose a question:

If a male suicide bomber receives 72 virgins upon death, what does a female suicide bomber get? That question has just been bugging the sh*t out of us, and any assistance would be most appreciated. Thanks!

Deathpool Dave

DPDave.com

What a Rush

2008-01-31T22:54:00.000-05:00

Rush is one of the greatest bands in the history of rock. I am not sure how many times I have seen them live, but I would estimate it to be somewhere between 15 and 20. I have not missed a Rush tour that I can remember, going back to middle school days. If they played two shows I went to both, and every time that I have seen them they have been spectacular. Just three really brilliant musicians kicking ass and taking names, every time. I am even a member of their fan club, which I have to admit is kind of gay. But it gives you first crack at concert tickets, so what the f**k. When the 2008 leg of their Snakes and Arrows tour was recently announced, I was right there at the front of the line just like always, even though I saw this tour last summer. As I go to purchase my tickets, I discover that they are $99.50 each, plus another $11.50 Ticket Scammer charge. That’s $111 per ticket. Bring a date and that’s now $222; another $20 for parking makes $242, ten bucks a beer time four or five… we are definitely pushing $300 to go to a concert. And I just said f**k that, I’m not going. Strange thing is - the ten bucks it cost me for a ticket when I was 15 was more of a hardship than the $300 is today. It has become about principle now - I could have Bill Gates money and I still wouldn’t pay that much.

I don’t fault Rush though, and I still worship at the Geddy, Alex and Neil altar. I am a firm believer in the capitalist system and a market based economy. You are worth whatever you can get, and if you can charge that price and still fill the house, you should. If I could get $500 for a Deathpool Dave show I'd be asking the promoters if $550 was possible. Smithian economics dictates that the invisible hand of market forces moves the prices to the correct intersection of supply and demand, so more power to them if they can get top dollar.

But I don’t want to hear any whining if the place is half empty. I began the day with a friendly voice, but this warrior has exited stage left.

The Multiple Cookie Theorem

2008-01-30T09:06:00.000-05:00

There was a landmark study conducted several years ago in which researchers asked hundreds of kindergarten aged children whether it was better to have one cookie now, or ten cookies tomorrow. Almost without exception the children stated that ten cookies tomorrow was a better deal than only one today. The researchers would then produce a cookie, and tell the children that they could have it right now, or wait until tomorrow when they could have ten. Again almost without exception, the children chose the one cookie that was currently before their eyes – despite having only moments earlier stated that it was better to have ten tomorrow. The researcher’s conclusion was that children of this age are emotionally immature and unable to put off immediate gratification for long term benefit. We are supposed to grow out of this as we progress into adulthood. So – is it better to have a single, long-term monogamous relationship with one individual that forsakes all others, or to have a string of meaningless sexual affairs with multiple individuals?

TV Rant

2008-01-28T09:54:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one getting pissed off about these advertising clips being shown during the primary content on television? It started with the little station logos in the corners, which was relatively acceptable because they were somewhat unobtrusive and helped us navigate amongst the 3,000 stations now available. Then they started to place advertising for upcoming shows – Bravo was the first network I remember seeing this on and a bunch of them now do this. It takes up the bottom third of the screen and totally obliterates whatever the hell you are trying to watch for 30 seconds, moves all over the freaking place and just distracts the bejesus out of you. Now I see that NBC is placing advertising in the lower left hand corner – and leaving it there for the entire f**king show! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I can’t watch it – it is just too obnoxious and I have to turn the channel. F**k you NBC – I’m outta here.

Suicide Isn't Painless

2008-01-25T09:55:00.000-05:00

In reference to a previous post...

There is an old song called Suicide is Painless. You probably know it better as the Theme From M*A*S*H, where it was an instrumental, but it is an actual song with lyrics: “Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please.” But it is not painless at all. Oh, maybe for the person committing the act it is. But what about the wife and kids? What about the parents? What about the friends and family? What about the kids you coached? Is it painless for them? I have never seen such agony in all my life, and if I have any luck at all I never will again. It isn’t painless – it is beyond excruciating. I don’t pretend to ever understand what would bring someone to that point, where the thought processes would lead to the conclusion that they would be better off without you. Sadness intermingles with anger in a curious and confusing dance. And because I know I can never understand, I love and forgive. But I am very angry at you right now Darren.

Set Lists

2008-01-24T10:56:00.000-05:00

I received a question via email recently pertaining to Neil Young, and insinuating that I hate him. I have no idea where the writer would get such an idea, other than perhaps the chapter of my book (Necronomican: The Deathpool Dave Story) entitled “That Dick Neil Young” and the song on my CD (Necrology) called Whinin’ and Complainin’- done to a NY song, of course. But I don’t hate Neil – in fact I am quite a fan. I just got a little mad at him when I paid huge bucks for a ticket to see him and he played his entire new CD from start to finish, and then only two old songs. The f**king thing hadn’t even been released yet – there was no way to hear it prior to the concert. And, as it turns out, it was that piece of s**t Greendale project. What a blithering pile of self indulgent egocentricity. Why is it that artists fail to even remotely consider the desires of those footing the bill and paying for their services? It’s not complicated, so bands – pay attention! Lead off with a few of the songs that got you to the dance and that everyone wants to hear. Then throw in some deep cuts that you don't play often to please your hardcore fans. Add two or three of the best songs from your new record to promote it and so that everyone knows that you are not just a nostalgia act. We'll buy the record - you know we will! End with a few of your biggest hits. Everyone happy! How f**king difficult is that to comprehend? WE DON’T WANT TO HEAR NOTHING BUT NEW S**T! Stop trying to prove something and instead just please the crowd and give the people their moneys worth. After all, money is awful hard to get these days.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Barry Bonds: Guilt by A-Holeness

2008-01-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

I have a theory that Barry Bonds is about to go to jail, not because of the steroid and lying to the government issues, but because he is an a**hole. If he had come out and said: “Hey, you know what, I was worried about falling behind my competitors, and I knew at the time it was a bad idea but I did it any way, and I’m real sorry. I made a serious mistake – I meant no harm, I’ll never do it again, and I ask for your forgiveness,” and if he had been a cheerful guy, submitting to interviews, answering reporter questions as best he could, maybe donating some money to charity and using his celebrity status to raise money for worthy causes, he wouldn’t be going to jail this year. This is the Giambi model – admit to what everyone already knows to be true, apologize, be humble and sincere, and you shall be forgiven both by the authorities and the public at large. “Come here you big lug! What were you thinking? Alright – big noogie for you… and don’t do it again! Now go play…” All better, everyone happy. After all, the misdeed is somewhat understandable – if there were medications that would make you substantially better at your job, wouldn’t you at least consider it? But Bonds employs a different model, one that will ultimately lead to his incarceration. He is a selfish, smug, arrogant, a**hole that is rude and obnoxious to everyone. We’ve seen this model before – Pete Rose is one of the greatest baseball players ever and would have been in the Hall of Fame a decade ago – except that he’s an a**hole. If you have ever heard this guy speak you know what I’m talking about – he’s just a dick. I once heard him claim that he was a great parent because he bought a car for his kid on his 16th birthday, as though the purchase of assets was the central activity necessary for good parenting. There was more – you really had to hear the whole thing. He was such a dick! So I theorize that we are not so much concerned with the steroids, lying and gambling – we just don’t like people that are a**holes and we want them punished. We could debate all day whether that is right or wrong; fair or just… I simply hypothesize that it is true. “Plays well with others” was evaluated on our report cards in kindergarten – and it’s just as important today.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

With Respect to Dr. King

2008-01-22T11:35:00.001-05:00

Is it racist to use the term “black” instead of “African American?” It seems to me that unless you were born in Africa, or at least have spent some significant amount of time there at some point in your life, you are not African at all. And by using the "African" prefix to describe your nationality it is insinuated that you are somehow less of an American than the rest of us, which to me appears to be the epitome of racist. If you were born in America, then you are American; and this country belongs to you as much as it belongs to anyone, and statements to the contrary would appear to be insulting. My ancestors came from England and Ireland, but I certainly don’t consider myself English or Irish, and I sure as hell don’t want to be called a European Caucasian. In general I think it is best to avoid describing people in terms of their race, but on the occasions when it is necessary I don’t see the value of using seven syllables when one will do.

I am not naïve enough to believe that we have eliminated racism in our country, but things certainly are much, much better than they were when I was kid. I was helping my son with his homework, which involved post Civil War era reconstruction history. He had questions as to the source of bad feelings between individuals, and when I began to explain the racial component he was confused. But why, he would ask. Because they were of different colors, I replied. This just confused him more. It occurred to me that not only was he not racist, he didn't even comprehend the CONCEPT of racism. He had friends in class of all colors, and this just didn't make any sense at all. And when you consider the thought of hating someone because the amount of melanin in their skin differs from yours, you can quickly understand the confusion of someone that hasn't yet been socialized in this fashion. Hate is not intuitive, one has to learn it.

Racism continues to exist today largely because it is perpetuated by those that profit from it, and to a lesser extent because of smaller discussions such as the recent Tiger Woods “lynching” incident. If they had laughed and thrown the nooses away, there would be no Jena. If no one paid attention to Sharpton and other such race baiters, they would also seek to exist. If we failed to pay any mind to innocent comments instead of turning them into "news" we could get on with living together as a community - not a black or white or Asian or female or gay or Jewish or Hispanic or druid or any other segregated group of people - just a community. Racism will die when it is allowed to, and as long as we have to be careful of what we say and to always be aware and mindful of someone's race because someone may choose to be offended, it lives on.

There is a line in my song “Back Where You Came From” that states “you don’t have the right to not be offended,” and I stick by those words. No one’s feelings are constitutionally protected, and, to quote Hank Hill: “What the hell kind of country is this if I can only hate a man if he’s white?”

Deathpool Dave

DPDave.com

In Defense of Tom

2008-01-21T10:15:00.000-05:00

I think that the sins of Tom Cruise are less severe than perhaps most other people do. What Tom is guilty of is making the same mistake that a lot of unqualified people make – they take extraordinarily complicated issues and reduce them to overly simplistic terms. For instance, the position that all forms of psychiatry are always wrong and that all psychiatric medications are counter indicated in all cases is patently absurd. If, however, he had stated that as a society we have a tendency to overmedicate, and that rather than look for answers in a pill bottle we may quite often be better off just taking responsibility for our own lives, he could perhaps have gathered more of a consensus. There are indeed many people that rely on pharmaceutical intervention as the answer to all manner of problems. Not every kid that is a bit unruly has ADD that requires Ritalin. Not every sneeze needs an anti-allergy drug. Most colds are better left alone until they just run their course and go away. And there are certainly a lot of people that look for happiness in an antidepressant bottle that just need to count their blessings and cheer the f**k up a little.

There is also little question that the pharmaceutical manufacturing industry has occasionally been guilty of “disease mongering,” whereby normal variances in human behavior are suddenly classified as “disease,” just in time for the launch of a new medication to treat it. Oh my God – my leg is a bit fidgety! That lady on TV running through a big field of flowers says that I must have Restless Leg Syndrome – I better call my doctor and get that pill right away! My wife is not interested in sex – she must suffer from female sexual dysfunction syndrome! Most of the time a bottle of wine and heading south of the border for an hour or so will take care of that – no pills necessary for most people. But not everyone! Some people have real illnesses that would benefit significantly from pharmacological intervention. So in a way he has a legitimate point, but by reducing all circumstances to the same bumper sticker mentality of DRUGS ARE BAD, Tom just comes across as an uneducated, ill-informed, unsympathetic simpleton. His movie profile is nothing short of incredible, and includes some of the greatest films of the last 20 years. He should stick to that and leave medicine to the professionals. In return, we promise not to tell him how to make movies.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Funeral for a Friend

2008-01-20T12:35:00.000-05:00

I usually don’t write on Sundays, but am making an exception today. I had a friend in elementary school. We lived in opposite directions from the school, so after class every day we would walk together to his house and he would then give me a ride home on the handlebars of his bike. Perhaps you occasionally traveled this way as a child as well. He was a gifted athlete and played organized hockey, which was (and is) more of a religion than a sport in our Detroit suburb. I remember him teaching me how to play goalie – the fundamentals of the position as he had learned them from his coaches. As we grew older and entered high school, we went in different directions. I joined the long haired heavy metal guitar playing quasi outsider group, and he quickly rose to the top of the jock crowd. Despite our separate cliques, which had no shortage of disdain for each other and in fact were often openly at war, our underlying friendship endured and survived the insufferable difficulty that peer pressure in high school can bring to bear. I last saw him at a reunion in July of 2006 – and it was great! I have to call that guy, I thought. Catch up on everything; too many years gone by without seeing him. This morning I saw his obituary in the paper. No details, I don’t know what happened yet. I will find out soon enough. But I never did make that call, and now I never will. So – do you have someone you haven’t seen in a while? An old friend that you have lost touch with? A good friend that you have just been too busy to get together with and pass an evening with a couple drinks and lots of stories about way back when. Pick up the phone.

Rest in peace Darren.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Whores

2008-01-18T08:15:00.000-05:00

There is much talk these days about the price of gasoline. The talking heads and quasi-experts claim that it is simply the laws of supply and demand in conjunction with the high costs of research and development at work, but we think otherwise. During a recent quarterly reporting, Exxon reported profits of over $10 billion. That’s not gross income - it is net profit. And that’s not an annual figure, it’s quarterly. Three months. And these profits were calculated after the applicable costs of research and development had already been deducted from the income statement. In theory the oil and gas industry is regulated by the federal government, but the very presence of such obscene profits is prima facie evidence of an unregulated oligopoly. Experts will also tell you that there is no evidence of such collusion or of any other violations of the Robinson Patman or Sherman acts, which is undoubtedly true. All that means is that these highly educated, extraordinarily skilled snakes are careful not to leave any such evidence behind. And how difficult could that possibly be? They create artificial “shortages” in order to justify obscene prices in much the same way as the diamond industry, which hoards the majority of the world’s diamonds in vaults, releasing only small quantities so as to maintain stratospheric prices. The difference is that diamonds are luxury items, and no one really has to have one. But our ability to control the amount of gasoline that we consume is much more difficult to limit. Basically, we have to drive to work. The element of our government that is supposed to protect us from such corporate predatory abuse has been letting us down, and frankly we are a little pissed off about it.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

The Music Industry

2008-01-17T12:18:00.000-05:00

Just prior to the advent of CDs, records (those round little disks made of vinyl requiring a needle to be played) cost somewhere between six and eight bucks. When CDs hit, the cost of reproduction dropped dramatically, leading one to expect a corresponding decrease in the cost of this new format. Instead new CDs were priced around twenty bucks, and the record labels proceeded to plunder and loot obscene profits for about the next 15 years. Then came bandwidth, which allowed people to transfer and trade exact copies essentially for free. In essence, it allowed music to be stolen. Having been robbed for several years, many individuals had absolutely no qualms about taking music for free. They had been screwed by the labels for so long that screwing them back felt kind of good. So where does that leave us?

I have never bothered worrying about how things should be. The way they should be and the way they actually exist are usually quite different, and so I prefer a more pragmatic approach that simply addresses the way that things are. More people have obtained my record Necrology for free than have paid for it. We are well into pre-production for the next one, but I am seriously re-thinking the entire endeavor. We don’t need to gouge or get rich, but we can’t lose money either. While the absence of another Deathpool Dave recording will not adversely affect the world in any significant manner, there is a larger issue of concern. Somewhere out there are musicians of substance – the next Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, or Metallica – people that could change the musical landscape and bring forth works of art that add significantly to our culture. But without a method for making money, they will never be heard from. In other words, without the impetus or resources to make music, music won’t be made. We are already seeing the effect of this – so much of current music consists of samples from older tunes and computer generated beats and patterns as opposed to brand new songs from fresh artists.

So again, where does that leave us? Overall I am optimistic for the future. While I don’t pretend to have answers to this quandary, I do believe that music is important enough that we will find a way. In the mean time – if there are upstart artists that you enjoy make sure and support their work. After all, we are all in this together.

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Socialized Health Care

2008-01-16T10:54:00.000-05:00

Usually I don’t like to get drawn into political debates. I assume that all of you have your own ideas about things, and don’t really need the Death Guy to help sort matters out for you. This, by the way, is where Barbra Streisand, George Clooney, Sean Penn, Alex Baldwin, Martin Sheen and countless other celebrity high school graduates (well, mostly… Barbara actually dropped out in the 9th grade) and I part ways. But it is election season and there is kind of a spirit of such things in the air right now, so what the hell – I’ll jump into the fray, if only briefly. In addition to being the Death Guy, I am a health care professional. There has been a lot of talk from both sides about “socialized medicine,” so let’s start there. We have an interesting system in America – somewhere around half of all health care is paid for by government, primarily via the Medicare and Medicaid programs, and most of the rest is paid for in the private sector through commercial insurance carriers that are supported by industry (the insurance you get through work). So we can kind of set the two models side-by-side and compare and contrast them, which is helpful any time that you are trying to choose between alternatives. I’ll cut to the chase – everything run by the government is f**ked up beyond recognition, and the elements run by the private sector generally run pretty well. It has to – if your insurance company dicks you around, you might complain to your employer, and if enough people do that it will change insurance companies. If you don’t like your Medicare however… tough sh*t. That’s called competition; it is a pillar of our capitalist society and when left to the invisible hands of market forces it generally works pretty well. I read the plan that Hillary proposed back in 1993 – it would have been an unmitigated disaster. For the record – I am not stating that we cannot have some form of universal coverage. Only that the forces of competition must be involved so as to ensure quality, and that the government cannot be in charge of the operational components. Remember – these are the guys that took five days to get water to the Superdome…

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Brad Renfro

2008-01-16T09:33:00.000-05:00

I carried this druggie bastard for three years before I finally took him off my rookie list in 2007 because he hadn't been in any trouble lately. This is a brutal, brutal game folks...

Deathpool Dave
DPDave.com

Religion

2008-01-15T10:37:00.000-05:00

I received a question via email inquiring as to my religion. It hinted that perhaps we at DPDave.com were in violation of certain religious tenets given the nature of our material. A fair question that deserves a response. In order of priority:

First and foremost, I am a pluralist. This means that I am accepting and respecting of views even if they differ from my own, and in many ways this is the opposite of a fundamentalist. I believe that pluralism is necessary in order to live in a civil and diverse society.
Next comes Cafeterialism, which is a word I just made up. What it means is that I take various elements that appeal to me from multiple religions and make them into my own little belief structure.
Christianity comes next. While I struggle with the whole “there’s this magic guy in the sky that controls everything and loves you unconditionally unless you make a mistake and then he makes you burn for an eternity thing,” I do like the moral and ethical structure that builds a nice foundation for living a good life. Honor your parents, love your family, help your friends and neighbors, assist others less fortunate than you… that kind of stuff.
Buddhism. This is a largely secular religion that focuses on behaviors as opposed to beliefs. It includes a tremendous respect for life, which may appear paradoxical at first but actually makes a great deal of sense. For instance – the people on our Rookie list treat life with tremendous disrespect, hence our derision towards them. The hard core Buddhists sweep the area in front of them so as not to crush any microbes! I can’t quite take it that far, but in general I won’t kill anything. I do make exceptions for mosquitoes and horseflies, but that’s about it. Spiders in the house, snakes in the yard, even that damned woodpecker that keeps pecking on my house – all God’s creatures welcome in my world.
I’ve read about Islam and Hinduism, but they confused me and I haven’t been able to get my arms around them.

Hope that answers the question. Now please go buy a book and a CD!
Deathpool Dave

Kevin DuBrow: Rest in Peace

2007-11-29T13:10:00.000-05:00

No, they weren't the most innovative. They didn't alter the musical landscape significantly, set any trends, or blow anyone away with their incredible musical prowess. But they were damned entertaining, and we at DPDave remove our caps and bow in honored silence to the passing of Kevin DuBrow, lead singer of Quiet Riot. He was an imperfect soul that recognized his failings and tried to do something about them, seeking redemption and forgiveness from those that he occasionally put off with his over the top commentary. And in the end - he received it. We have all said things that we regret, and we respect someone that says "I'm sorry - I didn't mean that and shouldn't have said it." The testimonials from all the legendary rock stars that he crossed paths with are evidence of the kind of person he became - a good friend to many, and a great rock and roll singer for the masses. He died way too young, but before he left he gave us a bona fide anthem for a generation. So bang your head my friend - you will be missed and remembered fondly by this generation of headbangers.

DPDave

Favorite Lines From Movies

2007-11-15T14:15:00.001-05:00

Post here...

The 3 Slutskateers

2007-11-13T12:59:00.000-05:00

Who is most likely to die first and why? Britney, Lindsay, or Paris...